The Big Splash

ISSUE 2 21/05/2008

In This Issue

In this issue of the big splash, we have an in-depth report on the first round of the TGA tour by Sandy Trapp. Also a look ahead to the next round which takes place on the world famous course at Augusta, USA, where the U.S Masters takes place, which is the first major of the year.
Lee Garrett - Editor

Tour Report - The Aardvark MAsters
By Sandy Trapp

As you all know, last week the TGA tour had its first tour event, the aardvark masters and there was no shortage of entertainment with a large slice of controversy thrown in. The controversy was brought about by the match between Trevor, The hit man Franklin and his Australian opponent, Jim, Longshot Grech.

As our assistant news reporter, Juan Wood explains. In sport, there is no greater rivalry than that of the English and Australians and this was clearly shown in the first round. Trevor, the hit man, so called because of his unusual club style and Jim, Longshot Grech , so called because of his big hitting, not always the ball, turned their match in to a war of words.

I managed to get interviews with both players. I started by asking the hit man how he intended to overcome his opponent. "In true British sportsmanship, i would like to wish Him all the best. However i do plan to kneecap him with a one iron on the first tee, failing this will push him in the duck pond halfway round." He said as I stood with him on the practice range.

When I spoke to Jim and told him off Trevor's intentions, he responded with the following quote. "Not a problem. I'll be there with my spurs, six shooter and my 20 gallan hat. As a 10 gallan just don't fit my fat head." He then went on to say, "I've brought in some protection for this match as I've heard about that pom's hook shot."

I asked Trevor for a comment on this and he said, "Tell him THEN I'LL BE WAITING ON THE FIRST TEE. STRAP ON THE SHOOTERS, MY SON Is THE SHERIFFS WAITING, AND BOOT HILL IS JUST DOWNHE THE ROAD." At this point the tour organizers informed the local police and I'm pleased to say that the match passed off without any major injuries, apart from damage to 3 trees, a windscreen and a unsuspecting Aardvark out for an afternoon walk.

It is unclear whether this unfortunate injury was caused by The Hit man's attempt to knee-cap Longshot or the longshot mistaking the poor creature for Trevor's right ear. Investigations are still ongoing. A local Police spokesman said. "This is a very unusual event having two players trying to knock each others blocks off and the Aardvark is recovering well at a local wildlife park. I did try to get an interview with the Aardvark, but all it said was. "eeeeeeeek." And wouldn't comment any further.

Thanks to Juan for that report. There was one other match of note that I would like the readers to know about. The match between, John, the Owl Snowling and Bob the Airdrie rocket Whiteside. The Owl, opened up with a awful shot that left him wondering if this was to be his day and Bob played a superb round unluckily missing a couple of putts. By the half way stage the players were tied and this continued for a couple of holes when The Owl scored an eagle to bob's birdie giving him a stroke advantage. The round ended in spectacular fashion when the rocket hit a Stunning hole in one on the18th.

"I've no doubt the rocket will be up there come the end." Said The Owl to me, as he walked back to the Clubhouse. He added, "It was close from the word go." "This is the first time I've played against Bob and he made it an interesting game."

At the end of the first event the leader is Paul, The Tiger Weston who scored an impressive 19 under on what for most was a challenging course. The question is will he keep up his fine record for his upcoming match against Catherine, The Sidney Babe McManus A mention has to go out to Sharlene Weston for being the top lady at this event.

Sandy Trapp - Chief golf correspondent.

The TGA U.S. Masters
Augusta Georgia
BY Andy Capp

This weeks event takes place at the home of the U>S Masters, the Augusta National in Georgia USA.

After last weeks challenging event at the Aardvark course, the players seem to be a lot happier on this famous old course. However, I feel that some might take their foot off the gas a bit after last week and this may prove to be a mistake.

The players I think you should look out for this week are: Chris, the crooked spire Payne, who has a difficult match up against that Australian Longshot.

There is also an all female match up between Sharlene Weston and Michelle Collins and with Sharlene being the leading woman at this point it could be a test for her.

Please note that this issue was written prior to any of this weeks games taking place and the results will be in the next issue.

A big thank you goes out to all those that sent in contributions and we would like to apologise to them if we didn't use their items. If you do wish to submit a match report or comments about your game in the big splash then please send them to: thebigsplash@tafn.org.uk
Lee Garrett - Editor.

return to the Big Splash Menu page